Ignored
by Historia70
Summary: She remembered the exact moment she began to shut off. The exact moment when people truly ignored her. The exact moment she left soon after graduation and left without a word. No one looked for her. This is a one shot story.


**A/N: I wrote this while I was depressed. I do suffer from depression and have been since I was young.**

 **It is a pretty clear cut story of how Helga has fallen into a deep depression. How everything built up inside of her until one day it snapped. This does happen to a lot of people and it is nothing to laugh at.**

 **Helga is in her mid 20's here.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold**

 **This is a one shot story.**

* * *

She remembered the exact moment she began to shut off. The exact moment when people truly ignored her. The exact moment she left soon after graduation and left without a word. No one looked for her. Not even her best friend. Now she was truly alone in another city where no one cared if she existed or not. So here she was at twenty-four years old with rain pouring down on her while passerby's wonder how truly ignorant she was in staying right there. She didn't care. She stopped caring a long time back. Something shut off with her making her into a person that wasn't at all motivated. Sure she held a job to pay for her rent in a almost run down apartment building that seemed to cater to people like her, but didn't specialize in it. It was a place that rented out cheap rent controlled apartments.

Standing there, she slowly looked up towards the darkened street where street lights lit your way, but didn't offer much hope to her. Taking one step forward she continued to trudge slowly to where she lived as hunger hit her stomach. Nothing unusual since she barely had even the desire to eat anymore. A male accidently bumped into her arm issuing out a small apology as he continued to dash off. The pain she felt just by such a simple touch registered, but she didn't issue out a sound as she continued on.

At the entrance of her building she stepped in not caring about all the wetness she trailed in, and by the way the floor looked no one else cared either. She didn't open her mailbox. Why bother? She'll open it tomorrow. Maybe the next day. All she knew was that she wanted to get upstairs. Entering the unsure elevator, she leaned against the wall as the weariness of her body began to catch up after a long day. She sighed when the door slid open revealing her floor. She felt the pain in her feet even as she approached her room. The paper was still at the neighbors door meaning it was safe for her to take. If she cared enough she'll return it back. If not she could use it for something else.

Unlocking her door she pushed it open to reveal her furnished horrible apartment which was mostly a studio. No one visited her so she didn't care as she stripped her clothes off to walk into the bathroom to take a hot shower to ease her tired muscles. Sighing she was glad she never cried anymore. Glad? That was a rare emotion. Turning off the water she wiped herself down to head to her closet for something warm to wear. Something that hopefully didn't have too many holes in it. Spotting her dark grey sweats she placed them on finding herself having to tie it a bit more tighter from the extra weight that she lost. Glancing to her meager kitchenette she just grabbed a banana noting she needed some food one day. Guess she can take more fries from work.

Sitting down on her lumpy couch, she opened up the paper to read it slowly only to really stop at the obituaries. The paper was a couple days old and the names that popped up along with a picture caught her attention as a teardrop finally found its way to her deadened face. It was something to make her get back up to leave her place. It was time to go back to Hillwood just for a little while.

With an abandoned umbrella she took from the bus, she trudged her way to the cemetery in search of whom she was visiting. At night no one will be there so she was safe to visit. She had to look through a lot of the place till she located the ones she came to visit. Philip and Gertrude Shortman. She stared at the names for a long time. She wanted to speak, but the only time she did was for her job. After work she lost her voice. Now she was forcing it.

"You both were such good people." Her voice was so harsh sounding from the lack of speaking. Clearing her throat she had to speak to them in her more normal one. "It's me. It's Eleanor." Not truly her name, but she pictured Gertie smiling down at her in a full get up. "I'm sorry I haven't been around to have tea with you. Sorry I haven't been around to hear Phil's stories. I have been lost."

She paused in order to regroup herself. "Unsure if you knew but many envied Arnold for having grandparents like yourself. It was a good envy since you both were so personable. We loved it." Hearing a sloshing footstep behind her she jumped a little to find herself looking at the friendly face of Arnold. It made her dash away a little in spite of him trying to stop her. She did pause long enough to look at him again. Maybe for the last time. "You were so lucky to know two of the most beautiful people in your life. I always understood where you got your nature from."

With that she dashed off. She heard her name being called, but she refused to stop. She ran to the bus stop to find a bus thankfully coming on time. It was like a blessing. A way of rescue even if it wasn't. She couldn't speak to him. She just hoped he was happy in spite of losing two fantastic people. She couldn't bring him down further.

* * *

It was a month after visiting the gravesite and she was working her shift at the local restaurant. It was such a brightly lit place that it made her know how she possibly look in spite of the make up and the acting job she was putting forth. At work she tried to maintain a pleasant facade. After work was different. She became death again. She became herself.

As she worked the cook would usually put a sandwich down for her to eat. He seemed to know what was going on with her without raising concern. She took it with a nod to him and ate it in spite of her wishing to throw it up. It wasn't as if it tasted bad. It was because of her lengthy time in between of having a proper meal. Her stomach rejected more than a few fries. She never ate for long when she was told she had someone at one of her tables. So without a complaint she left to attend to her duties.

She was taking her order pad out of her pocket as she readied her pen to take the customers order. She didn't look at them at all, she just knew to avoid people if they happened to walk by. "Are you ready to order?" She asked in her fake pleasant voice. It felt like her throat was dry at the pure fake attitude.

"Helga?"

Her knees felt weak at hearing her name with such familiarity. She knew that voice all too well as it still remained in her head after all this time. Her eyes lifted up feeling the weight of it all catching up to her. She was found by the very one who first noticed her existence all those years ago. It just had to be him to find her. She almost cursed herself for visiting the graves, but couldn't do that to those dear people. She had to force her work attitude back into place.

"That's my name. Now what will you have?" She couldn't even say her own name. She began to erase it.

She heard him sigh at the question. She knew she just frustrated him by not fully acknowledging him. "Coffee and an apple pie is fine."

Scribbling it down, she left his table in spite of him asking her a question. She had to leave now. She never called in sick. Always took the extra shifts without a fuss. She had to use her time to leave so she did as soon as she put the order in. Telling the manager she was feeling very ill all of a sudden, he didn't give her lip, he let her go without question. She swiftly clocked out and grabbed her hoodie before she ducked out into the cold night. Normally she would change out of her uniform, tonight was different. She had to run. She wasn't worth being found.

She hated to run and expend her already light energy, but she did as she went into her building and rushed the elevator to her floor. Tears started to come down. She hadn't cried since she was sixteen. She used them all up. When the door stopped, she forced the door open to let her squeeze out. She rushed to her apartment, unlocked her door, and went inside to strip off her uniform. Rushing into the bathroom she ran the water to scolding almost screaming.

"Why now?" She asked and hoped Arnold wouldn't locate her here. He deserved his happy life. Everyone that she use to know deserved it. Why now?

It was around ten when she emerged from the bathroom. She cleaned her uniform to hang it up. She wandered over to her closet to change. She would have to leave her employment. She was found. She couldn't be found. Hearing a knock at her door, her blood froze as she whispered out a faint disapproval. She slowly went to her door cursing the creak the floor produced. No one visited her unless she needed maintenance, but there it was. It was his cornflower hair.

"Helga please open up." His voice begging for that entrance. It made her shake. "I know you are in there." It would of been creepy if it was someone else, but it wasn't.

Her head went softly to the door to rest. She had to think, but couldn't so she did something so foreign to her now. She opened the door to reveal herself. She walked away from it to sit on her lonely lumpy ugly couch. She heard him close the door softly behind him as he approached to sit down on the other end. She caught his scent in the air and she knew she'll never erase it once he's gone.

"This is where you've been all this time?" His voice sounded so sad to have to catch her like this. "What happened to you?"

She never spoke of her feelings. She shut down completely one day. "Yes." Was her lonely response. "Now you know where I've been."

She refused to look at that handsome face of his. She could see his emotions just by how he spoke to her.

"Phoebe and I have been worried about you. Your parents even are."

She almost scoffed at it all. The only time her parents held concern for her was when she was nine and she left during Thanksgiving. "Don't tell them where I've been." She heard him shift. Heard him get closer. When he touched her gently on her hand she looked at him as if he will harm her. Oh she knew he wouldn't, she was scared of reality. She shut herself off too long.

"Why Helga? Ever since you stopped talking to us we have been worried about you. When you disappeared without a word we searched for you. I still continued to search for you. We are friends. Why?" Now he was sounding way too desperate. It made her heart ache. She couldn't do this to him.

"After so many years of neglect. So many years of living a lie in order to pretend that nothing was wrong. So many years of anger towards family. Towards yourself. So many years when I acted so unkind when I truly wasn't. So many years. So many damn years of so much finally caught up to me. I shut down. I stopped caring about myself completely. I wanted to leave. Didn't want to be a burden any more to the ones I cared about. I couldn't do that to you. To Phoebe. I tried to pretend she didn't care, but I know how sensitive she is. I left. I didn't deserve it. I deserved to leave. I did say good bye to Gertie though. I knew she knew what was up with me, but she tried not to press. I'm tired from talking this much. I only talk during my job. What has happened with you?" Her body slumped down from the weariness of that lengthy bit of speaking.

Arnold considered her words. He studied her in such a knowing way. "I really wasn't with Lila when it came to the tail end of high school. I'll explain it more later. Anyhow, when Arnie came back into town for a visit, they reconnected. They got married a year after high school. They have a kid."

She didn't know what to think of that first part of what he said. Wasn't paying too much attention to anyone else but the buzzing in her head at the time. "I can see them together. They made sense. She was the only one to understand his eccentric tastes. Appreciated them. They are the same, but different." It was a truth she always noticed between them.

"Phoebe is studying to be a doctor still. Gerald actually writes children stories. He's pretty good. They are engaged." Arnold continued. "Rhonda is with Curly and they are both in Paris. Lorenzo is still himself gadgets and all. Nadine and Peapod kid are together. Eugene is on broadway as an entertainer. Sid became a cop. Stinky is a farmer. Harold is working alongside Mr Green."

She remained silent as he continued to speak of the others. "What do you do?"

Arnold went silent. "I run the boarding house. I work in a Vet hospital as an assistant for now. I'm not with anyone." He paused for some time. "I've been looking for you."

Her eyes went to him to find his eyes appeared moist. Was he upset about her? She hoped not since he deserved to do other things more worthwhile. "What about my family?"

"Your dad fell into depression after you left. Blamed himself for not being a great father to you. Your mom ran the business. It was her form of coping. Your sister cried a lot, but that is Olga after all." She almost laughed at the tone of voice there. "She eventually married. Divorced since he was using her. She had a son. His name is Wyatt. His eyes are as blue as your own eyes, Helga. Such big eyes for someone so small. He reminds me of you with how much he is already into sports."

Standing up, she stood near her bed. "Arnold do me a favor and don't let anyone know where I've been. I want all of you to go on with your lives. I want you all to be happy. It is time you forget about me."

Arnold got up from the couch to move to stand in front of her. This time his face looked almost impassive. His jaw wasn't set any until she watched him adjust himself to go to her closet. She stood there under no power till she witnessed him grabbing the only duffel she owned to place on her bed. "You need new clothes, but I'll make sure you'll get some."

She watched him begin to place stuff into her bag. She was frozen until she realized completely what he was trying to do. It made her dash over to stop him. "Leave me, Arnold. I'm not worth it." She argued with her determination as she did the most futile thing in punching him. He stopped her by landing her on the bed with him on top of her to hold her down. "Don't." She begged.

Arnold's eyes softened some till determination came in. "No. I didn't waste all this time searching for you just for you to end it. You are worth it to me."

Tears streamed down her face. "You've done enough. Don't."

Arnold surprised her by lifting the hem of her shirt up to reveal something shocking to him. "When have you last ate?"

She used her remaining strength to push him away just to scramble away. "Food isn't important." She knew how stupid that sounded even to herself. Even as he asked that question again she wondered if he will try to drive the point home so she did something shocking to even herself. She threw off her shirt to show him. "Is this what you wanted to see? You wanted to see how horrible I've had it. What I've done to myself because even I know what a waste of life I am."

She couldn't determine now of what he was thinking as his eyes roved her torso. Her ribs were showing. She knew that, but she also revealed more and that is what he was looking at. Moving to get off the bed she found his hands on her arms. His eyes searched hers. His eyes roved down at her naked chest. In her own humiliation she forgot an important element in her wardrobe, but in her defense she didn't think she would have company.

"Come back with me to Hillwood. Live in the boarding house." His voice was more strangled now.

"You enjoying what you are looking at? I ask because you have been focused there for all this time." She would of teased him if she could, but now she just wanted to sleep for a lifetime. She also wouldn't mind one last kiss from him.

"I am a male, Helga. Even I think these thoughts."

"Yeah, but this is me after all."

It was as if she hit him literally with how he was taken back by her statement. "Then you never had a true clue to how guys thought about you. How I thought about you. I'm the one who has been searching for you for all this time."

Stepping back he whipped out his phone to pull up something, bringing it around so she can see. It was a site showing her pictures. Telling everyone about her. It was a site asking if anyone has seen her. It was strange as she took his phone to look at the comment board. People swearing they saw her even in Canada. She has been here all this time. Guess the best way of disappearing is going into a backyard.

"I've been here since after graduation." She responded lamely as she noted who was in charge of the site. It was Arnold. She collapsed on her bed in shock. "Take it down."

"Not until you come home with me." Arnold sat down next to her to wrap his arm around her frail shoulders. She really needed to put clothes back on. "Live with me."

"You just want to see me naked." It was her first attempt at a joke as she flopped down on the bed in another show of defeat.

Arnold's eyes went back to her chest. "Not that I'm complaining, but I wouldn't want anyone else to see you like this." His voice was strangled again. "You had no true clue in how guys drooled after you. I swear my group of friends held the hottest friends who were girls in it." He roved down her body again. How could he think of her attractive when she became this skinny? "Please Helga."

She became wracked with sobs as years of feeling this way came to the surface in a huge boil. She felt his arms wrap around her to comfort her. She felt how quickly she wet his shirt. Her voice became strangled as she tried to talk normal, but found herself almost squeaking when she spoke. "Oh Arnold. Why do you keep trying to shelter me from the storm?"

"Because you're worth it." His voice was filled with such earnest feelings.

Her eyes found his once more as more clarity set in. Arnold was a humanitarian mostly, but his eyes were showing something else. Sure he would most likely do this for his other friends. His family, but why her? "Arnold why me?"

"I'm sorry I was never clear to you. In the back of my mind I always knew Lila belonged with someone else. There was another reason why I gladly let her leave to go to my cousin. I did it because I always knew they belonged together. She will make him truly happy. He will do the same to him. I saved her to be with him. We never were intimate. We just kissed a little in public to waylay people. It might seem backwards to some, but I knew from the phone call they had together. I was happy to do it." Arnold explained. "Lila also understood something too. I belonged to the one person who ran off. She felt guilty for hanging on as much as she did because when you left she was upset. She said she ruined my own happiness."

Pulling away from him, she felt her confusion once more. "I really began drifting away in our senior year. Why not then? It was noble of you to do that, but I'm just confused."

"I punished myself for that. That site isn't the only one. There are more. I wanted the first girl I met in my life. I wish I never turned my back for a second because when I looked back you were gone."

Leaving the bed she went to put her shirt back on. "Find happiness Arnold. I have a very long road ahead of me that I don't wish to bring anyone down. Please go."

"No." His response was firmly set.

She watched him grab his phone to go through it again before thrusting it back to her. Taking the phone she read the message on the profile page. Turning around she heard the sky breaking lose again. It seemed that the sky was reflecting the tears coming down her face again.

 **I saw an Angel standing by my grandparents gravesite. It surprised me.**

 **For so long I prayed to find her. Put up five more sites in hopes that someone will help me locate her.**

 **Locate my Angel.**

 **So many thought she was a bad person when we were younger. I believed she has always been good.**

 **She helped a boarder to find his missing daughter.**

 **Helped save a neighborhood.**

 **Helped fund a float to complete my vision.**

 **Helped with so much.**

 **Helped my sanity.**

 **I saw an Angel this night. It was as if a prayer has been answered finally, but as soon as I spotted her, she disappeared.**

 **Please help me find my Angel. People like her deserve a part in this world. She didn't know the hope she gave me.**

 **Gave her best friend.**

 **Saved her sister from marrying a man from using her when she was nine.**

 **Saved me all over again when I received word about my parents being lost for good.**

 **Many thought she was mean, but she held a most sensitive heart.**

 **Please help guide this Angel back home.**

 **I love her with all my heart. I want to tell that to her face.**

Placing her hand to her mouth to stop the blubbering, she read the messages from all her old friends. They shared stories of what she did for them. It was strange. She was always known as the mean girl even when she stopped acting that way. Feeling herself being turned around, she raised her eyes to meet his own.

"Helga, I love you. I want my Angel back."

She embraced him even as her legs weakened. She felt him holding her up. She still will feel unsure. "I love you too, Football Head."

"Oh man I miss that nickname." Hearing him choke back his own sob, Arnold lifted her up in his arms. "Please talk to me about anything that is on your mind. Please don't run away again. Please."

It was a long time coming she guessed when she decided to finally utter her name fully for once. She had forgotten her name in a sense because she felt she didn't deserve her identity anymore. "Helga G. Pataki won't be running away anymore. Unless it is away from a zombie apocalypse."

"Well Harold looks like a zombie if he hasn't fed for a few hours." He joked while he kissed her on the mouth.

Depression fully sucks. Perhaps it was good to finally be found by someone who cared so much about her. Perhaps she could heal finally. There were many listings she was giving herself. Perhaps it was finally time for her to finally share what was on her mind. Her heart. She had locked away so much that it became a ticking time bomb. Hid away until finally it was time to be located. It was time to go home.

* * *

 **A/N 2: Sorry if Arnold's reasoning was a bit lame with the whole Lila thing. I needed to say something that would most likely be one of Arnold's good deeds.**

 **Today is my birthday and I get even more depressed this time a year. It isn't the fact that I'm getting older because I'm realistic there. It is the fact that my family completely forgets about me. Forgets my own birthday. I heard one of them say in front of me how it isn't worth celebrating it for me. Anyone else in the family, yes. At least I have a wonderful boyfriend that I know it most likely planning something behind my back. Maybe he and I will have our dueling writing contest we've been having. It's fun because at least we laugh for hours.**

 **Please don't flame me.**


End file.
